Is Self-Compassion an Individual Difference or Skill? 

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In Fall 2024, I took a social psychology course about individual differences, not knowing much about the course content or course trajectory. Fast forward a few months, and a new year later, suffice to say I really loved the course and because it was such a great learning experience, I wanted to share what I learned! 

I am sure everyone has heard the expression, “everyone is unique in their own ways”, and that is a result of a personality trait or individual difference coming into play. Individual differences are characteristics that affect how motivated a person is, their goals, reactions/behaviours to certain situations, and overall wellbeing; essentially, it what makes Person A different from Person B and these differences are usually stable over a lifespan (Buss, 2009). The big 5 personality traits, growth versus fixed mindsets, attachment insecurities, self-esteem, and single-hood are a few examples of individual difference that were covered in my course. For my research assignment, however, I chose to focus on self-compassion because yes, it is an individual difference that people can differ on!

According to Neff (2023), self-compassion as an individual difference exists on a continuum and people can vary on how self-compassionate they are. Since self-compassion is about being gentle and not accepting failures as a self-defining characteristic, Popovic and Kocovski (2024) found people high in self-compassion are more mindful about what they are feeling, forgiving about their failures, and understanding of the fact they are only human when experiencing adversity. These people are proactive when handing conflict and hardships, and can better regulate their emotions, especially their negative affects to better navigate the situation. To illustrate, a highly self-compassionate person will set boundaries about how many projects they can accept at work so they do not feel burnt out and on busy days, they will end their workday at their designated time without feeling guilt.

On the other end of the spectrum, less self-compassionate people tend to be more self-critical and unforgiving when experiencing a setback and use the failure to define themselves as a person. These people will also isolate the setback, believing the failure is their own to endure instead of accepting it as a shared human experience that many people may encounter. By doing this, people low in self-compassion are less mindful of their emotions and can resort to intense outbursts, suppression or avoidance of emotions (Popovic & Kocovski, 2024). 

Similarly, Stefan and Cheie (2022) found that while people high in self-compassion receive benefits for practicing constructive self-reflection, for less self-compassionate people it could have a worsening effect. Less self-compassionate people can become consumed by their failures, and practicing self-reflection could aggravate the rumination process and increase fixation on negative events. As an example, a teenage boy low in self-compassion may believe his date is not interested in him because of something he said or did when he picked her up instead of believing she is nervous. For the remainder of the date, he would be fixated on how horrible the date began, and engage in self-criticism before suppressing his feelings for her once the date is over to avoid taking her out again.

While researching how self-compassion develops as an individual difference, I discovered there are many things that can impact how self-compassionate one becomes. Some research suggested life experiences and social connections are significant factors whereas others emphasized parenting style (attachment security versus insecurity) from early childhood. As for the results, highly self-compassionate individuals experienced positive outcomes. Ferrari et al. (2019) discovered that the more self-compassionate individuals are, the better they are at self-soothing and at lower odds for developing psychopathology; self-compassion was labelled as a protective factor, a means for protecting individuals from negative outcomes. In addition to being a protective factor, Neff (2023) discovered that increased self-compassion resulted in more assertive and intrinsically motivated adults, who correlated with having better self-esteem and greater life satisfaction. 

Although self-compassion is a relatively stable individual difference, do not fret because self-compassion can be taught! As Neff (2023) empathized, self-compassion is not only “an essential skill for living a healthy life…, [but also] a learnable skill” (p.12). Taking time out of your day to do things you love or setting boundaries to keep yourself from being burnt-out will help you stay healthy in the long-term even if you do not feel the effect immediately. There has been research done about involving self-compassion interventions when working with people, especially those low in self-esteem or experiencing social anxiety, and the research thus far has produced positive outcomes (Popovic & Kocovski, 2024). Practicing mindfulness can be an intervention or simply a way of turning general compassion into self-compassion because it allows you to be attuned of what you’re experiencing, whether it’s distress or comfort (Neff, 2023). 

Ultimately, whether it be driving alone in the middle of the night, baking your comfort cookies or visiting your friend, there is no one right way to partake in self-compassion. Luckily, Neff (2023) found self-compassion does increase with age, so it is possible your methods of taking care yourself will change or grow with you, and that is okay! 

References

Buss, D. M. (2009). How can evolutionary psychology successfully explain personality and individual differences?. Perspectives on Psychological Science4(4), 359-366.

Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., & Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness10(8), 1455–1473. 

Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory and measurement. In A. Finlay-Jones, K. Bluth, & K. Neff (Eds.), Handbook of self-compassion. (pp. 1–18). Springer Nature Switzerland AG. 

Popovic, M., & Kocovski, N. L. (2024). Comparing facets of self-compassion in the context of social judgement. Mindfulness

Stefan, C. A., & Cheie, L. (2022). Self-compassion and social anxiety in late adolescence: Contributions of self-reflection and insight. Self and Identity21(2), 210–222. 

Note: The Free Your Mind Mental Health Society is an independent youth-led organization. The contents of this blog are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. In the event of a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 911 or other local emergency numbers immediately.