Dear Friend,
Anxiety is one of the most common emotions we face. At some point, every one of us has felt its grip. No matter how old we are, anxiety has a way of catching up with us. Some of us learn how to push it aside and keep moving, but for others, it slowly begins to affect daily life. The constant worrying, overthinking, and racing thoughts can turn into sleepless nights, high stress, lack of focus, and sometimes even panic attacks. Those panic attacks, if they continue, can lead to deeper struggles like isolation, low self-esteem, and in some cases even depression.
In my own family, I’ve seen how anxiety can shape a life. She experiences frequent attacks caused by stress and worry. Before she began having these attacks, I used to wonder, “How can someone have such a strong reaction just from anxiety?” But when I saw it up close, I realized how real, intense, and overwhelming it truly is.
Before I share more, I want to say this: every person is different. The patterns, the signs, the triggers, and even the ways of coping can vary so much. To keep things simple, I’ll call my family member Sarah. Over time, we have learned to notice the situations that trigger her, the signs she shows before an attack, how long they last, and what helps her calm down.
Triggers: Sarah tends to overthink and overworry about things, especially related to “What others will think and say?” For example, if she is talking in a group and mispronounces a word, she will continuously think, “Now they will make fun of me,” “They will think I don’t even know basic things.” This chain of thought spins so fast, not only in her conscious mind but also in her subconscious, that she doesn’t even realize when she is about to have an attack.
Other situations also trigger her—like visiting someone’s house, whether for good news or bad. It doesn’t matter what the occasion is; the worry builds anyway. Even when someone new comes to our home, she becomes anxious about how others might judge her or the house, and the fear of “What if I get an attack in front of them?” ironically leads her into one.
Her signs: The very first sign is yawning. Strange as it sounds, yawning is always the beginning. As soon as she starts yawning continuously for about a minute, we know what’s coming next. Then follow dizziness, rapid eye movement, forceful eye shutting, body stiffness, jaw tightening, and difficulty in breathing. (Her medical reports showed that due to rapid breathing, her CO₂ levels drop and she begins to go into shock.)
How long they last: It depends on the severity of the attack and also how early we take action. In the initial months, when she first started having these attacks, they usually lasted for 5–10 minutes just for the attack itself, but it took around 30 minutes for her breathing to return to normal. Now, the attacks last 1–3 minutes, and it takes about 15–20 minutes for her to breathe normally again.
What we have tried and what works:
In terms of medicine, we tried Venlafaxine (37.5mg), but it didn’t work. In fact, it had horrible side effects such as constant headache and low energy, so we discontinued this medicine after about 1.5 months. Another medicine her doctor prescribed for emergencies is Flupentixol & Melitracen (10.5mg). This one has worked quite well, though it has started to lose its effect slowly.
What has made the biggest difference, however, are non-medical things. She started reading books, writing, playing chess, and exercising—activities that keep her mind and body engaged. As long as she continues with these, her anxiety is lighter. She doesn’t want to try counselling or therapy (she isn’t comfortable talking to strangers), so instead, we as a family have made it a habit to check in with her. If something feels off, we talk. And slowly, she has begun to open up herself, sharing her feelings before they build into an attack.
Apart from these preventive measures, we have also found a few things that work when she actually gets an attack. Initially, we used to give her water, then hot coffee (though coffee is not usually recommended, it has worked for her), along with her medicine (Flupentixol & Melitracen 10.5mg). But now we’ve adjusted things—now we give her water, cold lemon water, guide her through breathing techniques, and also ask her to voice her thoughts out loud.
For anyone who has not experienced this firsthand and doesn’t know what to do if someone gets an attack, please—first of all, don’t slap that person. Slapping is such a common reaction from people who have never seen this before. I understand you might think a slap will hurt enough to bring them out of their “trance” or shock them into reality, but it does not work. So, PLEASE DON’T SLAP.
I know it can be scary or confusing to witness someone having an anxiety attack, but your calm presence can make a world of difference. Here’s what you can do:
- If possible, take them to a quiet place. If not, gently ask others to give space.
- Breathe deeply and loudly yourself, and ask them to match your breath.
- Hold their hand, draw small circles with your fingers— it might help calm them down.
- Gently massage the back of their neck.
- Ask if they take any medicine or if you can call someone for them.
- Encourage them to voice their thoughts, even broken ones.
- Talk slowly, softly, and calmly.
- Hand them something cold to hold—like ice or a chilled can. The sudden coolness can help their nervous system reset. (Start with their hand, then try forehead or neck if it feels safe.)
- Once you feel they are present with you, ask them to count backwards from 10, or 100, whichever suits better.
- Most importantly, don’t rush them. Let them take their time.
And if the situation becomes severe—like if their jaw clenches and won’t release—please don’t wait. Call an ambulance immediately.
Throughout all of this, what I can say with certainty is that talking about your feelings, your thoughts, and what’s troubling you definitely helps. If you don’t have someone to talk to, you should reach out to a professional or join a support group. But if these options don’t feel acceptable, then please try writing. Start journaling everything—don’t wait until night or morning. Write as soon as you feel troubling thoughts come up and need to be sorted.
Also, playing games and exercising are highly beneficial. There are so many things out there to try, and it’s about finding what works best for you or your loved one. Take your time, test different things out, and maybe even join a community or ask around. You may discover something that you hadn’t even thought of before.
Anxiety is not weakness, and it is never something to be ashamed of. It is simply a part of being human. It is something many of us carry, quietly. And while it may feel heavy, you are not alone in this.
With care,
Your Friend 💙
If you’ve experienced anxiety yourself, or discovered little ways to cope that bring some relief, I’d love to hear about them. Your experiences matter, and just knowing what has worked for someone else can be so encouraging. Together, we can learn, support, and remind each other that none of us has to face anxiety alone 💙
Note: The Free Your Mind Mental Health Society is an independent youth-led organization. The contents of this blog are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. In the event of a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 911 or other local emergency numbers immediately.