With 3 months left in 2025, I’ve been thinking a lot. Not just in terms of my career or academic journey, but about my life and the people around me. Growing up, I was always told to surround myself with good people because it makes life better (which certainly, it can). I tried to do that, and now, while I reflect on my life, I can’t help but think back to the time when things were said to me and how, in the moment, they either did or did not faze me. For the words that didn’t faze me in the moment, I’ve come to realize, after some time and processing, that they did affect me. Either way, it equally amazes and surprises me how some of these things are so normalized in every day conversations because when you think about it, these words have the ability to hurt someone.
1. “At least it wasn’t worse.”
Although this might be an attempt to comfort someone or have someone view the matter from a “see the silver lining” perspective, I still think these words can hurt. I know when most people (including myself) use this specific sentence, we mean well for the other person; however, there’s that teeny tiny chance we could be minimizing or disregarding someone’s pain. We could be implying, that “Hey, think of the worst case scenario. That didn’t happen here though, right?”
2. “You did it once, you can do it again.”
In my head, this is on the same page as the one listed above, even if it can come across as an encouraging statement. Not only does it downplay someone’s pain, but it also isn’t acknowledging what a person survived the first time. It can be dismissive, and make it sound like it was an easy feat the first time around when truly it could’ve been anything but an easy task/matter for that person. It could’ve taken every ounce of their energy, physical and/or mental, and could’ve felt like their world was shattering the first time it happened. This also adds pressure and has the ability to make someone feel alone in the process of whatever they’re going through because saying this can imply, “Hey, it’s fine. You’ll figure it out by yourself.”
3. “You should forgive and forget.”
This is commonly said, but sometimes we forget that there might be a reason someone doesn’t want to forgive someone for what happened. They do not want to forget, even if it is commonly associated with healing and recovery. Life is complicated and things aren’t black and white. People are working through life at their own pace so if you’re quick to say this, it can hurt people and make it sound as if you’re being dismissive of their feelings/thoughts/wishes.
4. “Why do you have *insert mental disorder or diagnosis* ?”
Mental illnesses and diagnoses can be a touchy subject, and asking a “why” question can put someone on the spot where they have to justify themselves. It can come across as accusatory, even if someone is trying to be inquisitive and genuinely learn more about it. There could have been a biological or social factor that contributed to their mental illness or diagnosis, but there also might not have been. Genetics could have played a role, but you never know. Moreover, we need to also remember some people might not be ready to talk about their disorder or diagnosis just yet, and that’s okay. Let them discuss things at their own pace.
5. “But what will others have to say?”
I feel like while there are some people who might have heard this, there are also some who might not have. Again, it has similar implications as the other statements mentioned in this blog. It sounds dismissive and minimizes one’s emotions, actions, and thoughts. If you say this statement to someone else, this adds extra worry or pressure on that person about society’s perspective. People shouldn’t be forced to live their life to please or match society’s standard.
So clearly the list doesn’t end here, but based on my experiences, I have found these words or sentences to be the most impactful. With that said, I’m not saying that you’re a bad person if you’ve said these words to someone. These might be things you say because you do not know what to say or they’re the first thing that come to mind when talking to another person—which is okay. All I ask is that we must start to be more mindful of our words and the questions we ask in our everyday conversations. We never know what someone is going through or has been through. Hence, the impact of our words isn’t always immediately apparent. Being mindful of the language we use is the least we can do sometimes.
Image Courtesy of Freepik.com
Note: The Free Your Mind Mental Health Society is an independent youth-led organization. The contents of this blog are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. In the event of a medical emergency, please call your doctor or 911 or other local emergency numbers immediately.